Names
by Alex Damien
Summary: Romano misunderstands everything, but Spain makes everything confusing


Romano got a bad feeling when he saw that the only light on at Spain's house was the bedroom on the second floor.

"Oh, god," he muttered to himself, taking a few moments more to open the door.

He had been suspicious when he got Spain's excited texts that afternoon

 _OMG Roma! I found something awesome! :D_  
come to my house after work :)  
srsly come right after work:)

 _what stupid thing did you find now?_  
another turtle?  
you can't keep them. i mean it

 _IT'S NOT A TURTLE!_  
it's a surprise :D  
come right away ;)

"Spain?" called Romano after entering Spain's house. It felt eerily silent, and it made him uncomfortable and nervous. Spain seemed to fill places with a vibrancy and energy that felt comforting to Romano, and the emptiness all around put him on edge. Not that he would ever admit it to Spain's face, of course.

Romano tapped his feet, waiting for a response but it seemed like no one was in. He refused to move and took out his phone.

 _I'm home. Where the hell are you?_

He sent the text and didn't take a single step deeper into the house. That was a sure way to get yourself killed in a horror movie.

 _Come upstairs._

Romano blinked as he stared at the text message. No annoying emoticons. Correct capitals and punctuation. He felt a sudden terror settle in his heart.

 _Wouldn't it be fun if we were one?_

 _WTF Spain you're acting weird_

 _What would we be called as a single entity?_

Romano stuffed the phone in his pocket and grabbed the axe that he knew Spain always kept stashed behind the living room TV. He refused to be the helpless protagonist in a horror movie. So far, the text messages didn't sound like Spain. At all. What would have sounded like Spain would have been the him yelling for Romano to hurry upstairs to their room. Maybe say something about having pizza too.

If Spain had found some ancient artifact with an angry ghost who had ended up possessing his ass, Romano was going to be very angry. No home cooked Italian meals for a month after Romano rescued him.

After a deep breath, Romano climbed the stairs with slow steps, holding the axe with both hands. He reached the closed door to their room, and noticed a soft light filtering from under the door. He wondered if he should just run away now. Maybe call Feliciano. Not like his brother would be _useful_ in a demonic possession situation, but it would make Romano feel better just to hear someone's voice. And besides, the huge potato head was never far from his brother. Not like he could punch a ghost with his big ham hands, but still.

He grabbed the doorknob and slammed the door open. "Spain!" he yelled.

Spain looked up at him from the bed, where he laid covered only by a thin bed sheet, his skin glowing under the soft light of dozens of candles around the room. He blinked, and his usual easy smiled disappeared from his face.

"Is…that an axe?" he asked, pointing to the weapon in Romano's hands.

"…What do you THINK, you IDIOT?!" yelled Romano.

The fear leaving his body made him feel lightheaded and angry. Very angry.

"I think it's an axe," said Spain.

"Of course it's an axe! Can't you see the damn thing?!" said Romano, realizing all too fast how dumb and ridiculous he was acting.

Spain tried to say something, but busted out laughing so much, he could barely talk. "W-why did you bring an axe?" he asked.

"Because you're an idiot," said Romano, and threw the axe to the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. He walked to the bed and plopped himself on the edge. "And you were acting weird and it's totally your fault that I ruined…this," he said, waving vaguely towards the candles.

Spain grabbed him and pulled him to lay down next to him on the bed. "Acting weird?" he asked while untying Romano's tie.

"With that weird talk about becoming one. And the way you sounded serious in your texts. It didn't feel like you, so I got worried and thought something weird had happened. And if you tell me again that I watch too many scary movies I swear I'll get up, grab that axe again, and hit your dumb head with it," said Romano, trying to glare but ending up pouting up at Spain. He couldn't stay angry with him. Especially when he had ruined something that looked like a great night together.

Spain laughed and placed feathery kisses on the tip of his nose, his forehead, and cheeks.

"So~, then this means that I scare you when I get serious?" asked Spain, chuckling.

Romano frowned when he saw that Spain's smile didn't seem to light his eyes the way it always did. He tried to change the subject.

"No. I guess I thought that it would be a problem if, I dunno…You'd found some weird old cursed artifact and you got your ass possessed," he said, doing his best to ignore the fact that Spain was completely naked.

"Really? But I think my ass gets possessed almost every night!"

Romano punched him softly in the face. "You jerk pervert. What's going on? What did you find? You keep acting weird."

Spain laid down next to him, throwing an arm around Romano. "Yeah, it's kind of weird now that I think about it. I dwell a lot on the past, don't you think?"

"You mean you were thinking back to the time when I was yours? Is that what you meant by being one?"

"I'm sorry. But being away from you is sometimes so hard…" said Spain. "I can't help but think about it sometimes. About how it would be, to be together again. To become one."

Romano pressed his forehead against Spain's. "You dumbass. I forget how old you are."

"Uh?" mumbled Spain.

Romano smiled automatically, and frowned right away. Seeing Spain's dumb confused face always made him smile and he hated it. He was supposed to be serious and mature!

"You still think you have to own and conquer things. To chain them down so they can't leave you," said Romano.

 _But I have to be able to leave you, to make the choice to always come back to you. I need to be free, to realize how much I love you._

He wanted to say that. He wanted to put into words how he couldn't help that weird fluttering in his chest every time Spain put his arms around him. But he couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Instead, he headbutted him.

"And that's really dumb, so stop," said Romano, placing a tiny kiss on the tip of Spain's nose. "We would have to change our names, and make new maps, and that would be annoying."

Spain laughed. "Yeah, we'd have to change our names, but think of that! We could just, uh, fuse our names, yeah!"

"Spain no. That would be awful."

"It would be great! Think of all the combinations possible!" said Spain, grinning.

"No. Stop."

"Like Romain."

Romano cringed. "Oh god. Oh no."

"Or Sparom. Or Romspa. Or Spamano. I like that one. It sounds nice. Spamano. Say it Roma."

"It sounds horrible," said Romano, covering his face with his hands to hide his blush and the way he was on the very edge of laughing out loud.

"It's the one I like most. I chose it years ago!" said Spain.

"You're an idiot," said Romano, taking a deep breath. "Let's stop this dumb 'becoming one' talk. Show me what you found. I want to know what got you so excited."

Spain's smile was so bright, it almost lighted the entire room. "But it totally has to do with our name!"

"None of those are going to become 'our name' ok? Now I'm wishing you had just found another turtle," said Romano.

Spain rummaged on the bedside table and pulled up a package of condoms. "Look at these! Close enough, right?"

Romano glared at the package of condoms as he read the word "Spermano" on them. He took a deep breath and then grabbed Spain's face with both hands.

"You are going to shut up about that _'our name'_ thing, and we are going to use up all the condoms in that package; and we are never, _ever_ mentioning this again. None of it. You understand?" he ordered.

Spain blinked. "Uh… Yes."

"Good. Now kiss me."

 **Notes:**

Written for the following Anonymous request I got on tumblr: "Got so many random questions, but nothing to help you with... well just realized, that ship name is close to Spermano - which I guess would make an ok name for a condom brand? Do you feel inspired now? No? Well, ok just ignore me! X)"

Now, this one was a really complicated one, and sort of a wild ride from beginning to end*cough* I had no idea what I was doing *cough* But I still tried my best.

If you enjoyed this little ficlet, please consider leaving kudos or a commento. It would mean a lot to me.


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